Give it time.

It's no secret that this time of year is difficult for those of us working on losing weight. Log onto MFP and you see just how many people are struggling. Temptation is everywhere. You can't walk into a store without seeing the well designed displays of chocolates and goodies calling your name.  Commercials are more teasing than usual. Everyone is baking and passing around joy in the shape of a cookie. There is an abundance of parties (and corresponding treats for said parties). People are sharing their meal and dessert plans on facebook and anywhere else they can post it. A girl (or boy) can't leave her house, watch TV, or look online without seeing food. It's everywhere this time of year. Especially the sweets. Oh, those freakin sweets!

It can be a rough time for anyone. Throw in the desire to lose weight (not put it back on), a HUGE sweet tooth, and a former eating disorder... it can almost drive a girl crazy. I had a dream last night that I was stuffing my face with cookies, cakes, cinnamon rolls, and chocolate covered nuts. I couldn't stop (I didn't want to). All of the things I've said "no" to this week were haunting me in my dreams! I woke up craving those items like you wouldn't believe. I was ready to drive to the nearest cinnabun and get the biggest one I could find. I was already preparing myself for my next failure and the day had just started. But instead, I did as I always do, I went to the gym. (Thank goodness it has become a habit.. because I was struggling with it today). When I got there, I was still thinking about what I was going to shove down my throat today. I was convinced that I was going to fall off the wagon today. I was starting to obsess over it. The thing is, once I started running, the obsession went away. I began to think more clearly. Each lap that I ran, the more in control I was feeling. "You'll hate yourself if you go along with it."  My voice of reason was coming out as I ran. "Saturday is treat day.. you can have ONE of those things.. and you can wait until then to get it." So much so, that I decided to push myself further and run more than usual. I ran for 35 minutes straight. Afterwards, I felt empowered. I didn't need those stinking treats anymore.. I didn't want them. I didn't want the way they were going to make me feel afterwards. I finished the rest of my workout and went home. I ate exactly what I planned out for the day. I feel so pleased that I didn't let that moment of weakness take me down with it. This is what happened around Thanksgiving and it made me feel so sick with myself afterwards. The difference this time? I didn't run out of my way to get that fix. I stuck with my plan. I kept telling myself "wait." Until eventually my reason and self control came back. So if you're battling with your own demon this week, give yourself time to fight back. Find something to take your mind off of it until you have the strength to say no. Heck, go workout! Worked for me.
I know this hasn't fixed my problem permanently, there are still many days before Christmas and many more temptations to avoid. But I made it past this one. One thing at a time. One little step/one little victory at a time.
Good luck!
A little inspiration:

All Caught Up

I've been MIA for a little while. I needed some time away from the computer so I could focus on catching up with everything. There was lots of baking, parties, shopping, and wrapping needing to be done (and that dreaded trip to the Post Office). Not to mention all of the other typical things that need to be done daily. The list kept growing and I wasn't marking stuff off as fast as I would have liked. So my little break allowed me to get on top of things. I'm officially done with my Christmas shopping, cards, and baking. I have sent off everything. It's such a huge relief. I'm usually the person that likes to get things done early, so still having things I needed to do a week before Christmas was driving me nuts.
I've had a few small victories this last week:
* I've still managed to stick to my usual gym routine. I've been making my way to the gym each day and doing my thing. I could have easily talked myself out of it saying, "I'm too busy" but decided to make it a priority and treated it like a daily appointment that I could 't miss. It's a bit empowering.
* During my Christmas baking frenzy, I only ate ONE cookie! (snickerdoodle if you're wondering). It was definitely tempting but I decided before I started baking what one goodie I wanted and then I stuck to it! It helps having my husband home. It gives me the accountability I need in those super tempting times.
*I made lighter/healthier versions of all of my goodies. I felt better giving them to others knowing that they were healthier versions.
*I didn't let the plethora of parties and gatherings we've been to or had this week allow me to make bad food choices over and over. I save up calories and enjoy myself within reason.
* I received my first goodies package in the mail yesterday. It was full of sweets (cookies, chocolates, and other candies and sweets). I haven't gotten into it yet! I'm waiting for treat day this Saturday to sample a few.  Yesterday was hard, I kept looking at them and wanting to eat them all. But somehow I talked myself out of it and today I'm not really craving any of it.

I've still been sticking to Strong lifts 5x5. I'm not really seeing any results yet. But I have been able to increase my weights on everything. I'm moving up slower than I expected in weight but it's more important to me that I can do them all in proper form. As a beginner, it's taking me a bit longer.
I can now squat with 75lbs, bench with 35lbs, deadlift with 50lbs, overhead press with 40lbs, and barbells with 50lbs. I know this doesn't seem like much but it's more than I could do a month ago and I'm pleased with it. Small progress. Maybe when I increase my weights more I will start seeing progress.
I'm seeing changes really slowly on the scale. But I'm trying not to let that affect me. The scale is not the defining factor of my progress! (or so I keep trying to convince myself). It's not easy to get over a scale addiction, especially when I'm not seeing progress in other ways at the time being. But I'm not gaining, so that's good. A small  victory, even. Getting through all these temptations around this time of the year and not gaining is a great thing.  I think when the new year starts, I'll reevaluate and see if I need to make some more changes. But for now, I'm just going to get through Christmas and both of my kids' birthdays.

I'll end with two positive thoughts. My son has graduated from pull-ups to regular big boy underwear! It's an exciting time. My daughter was wonderful at their Christmas concert at school. I've got two awesome kiddos. :)

Initiate Happy Dance

Last night we went to a hockey game. The first one that we've been to in a long time. Our team won and everyone had a great time. I'm not sure if I had more fun watching the game or watching my kids watch the game. They were so into it. My daughter was dancing, clapping, and shouting the cheers. My son would have liked to see more fights (proven by his jeers to "FIGHT!") but couldn't stop watching. Not to mention, I was able to enjoy the whole night snuggled up with my hunny. #goodtimes

The hockey team wasn't the only victors last night. I had my own little victory as well. I didn't eat ANY food at the hockey game! Everyone around me was eating good stuff like hotdogs (kids), pretzels with cheese (mom and sis), or enjoying a beer (husband). I didn't get any for myself. Just sat there rooting for my team and enjoying some ice cold water with my favorite people. I had made a promise to myself (after my fall off the wagon last week) that I would not have any treat/cheat meals until I lost all the weight I put on and felt I had my self control back. So to be there surrounded by all that temptation and standing my ground was a big deal to me. I'm getting my control back! I was thinking reasonably and thinking about my health/progress instead of letting my stomach do the thinking. And my lack of yummies didn't make the night any less fun or special.
So when I woke up this morning, still riding my victory high, I decided that I would finally check my weight. I've been avoiding the scale since last Sunday when I saw a 10lb increase caused by my binge attack. I know that I didn't gain a real 10 pounds in those 4 days but hated that new number I was seeing. So, I've been eating well, exercising, and drinking plenty of water this week hoping to erase that number. It happened today! When I stepped on the scale this morning, not only was I back to my pre-binge weight, but I had a slight loss (only .2 but still very pleasing). Now I finally feel like I'm back on track. I keep saying I will stop letting the scale affect me so much but it's easier said than done.

I finished my first week of Stronglifts 5x5 this week. My muscles definitely got a good workout. I'm enjoying my rest day today. I still don't have any progress to report but just an update that I do like the program and will be sticking with it.

Enjoy your Sunday! :)

Vitamix, baby!

Yesterday was a pretty typical Friday. It was a good yet uneventful day. That was until we had an unexpected knock at the door that evening. It was the UPS man and he came bringing gifts. One of the packages I received wasn't wrapped and I was able to see what it was. A Vitamix Blender!!

(Swoons) Isn't it beautiful?!?! 

I quickly called my (very amazing) mother-in-law to let her know that it arrived. She decided since it wasn't wrapped and I knew what it was, that it'd be a good "family" gift that I could start using now instead of waiting until Christmas. SCORE! (This is when I began my happy dance). 

I've been wanting one of these bad boys for a long time now. So, she didn't have to tell me more than once that I could start using it now. 

After ripping open the box and carefully pulling out the newest addition to my kitchen, I began reading the instruction manual. (Ok, not the exciting part but I wasn't taken any chances of misusing it). After familiarizing myself with the machine and how it works, I quickly skimmed through the recipe book that came with it for a recipe that I had the ingredients for. My very first recipe using my Vitamix Blender was... (drum roll).... 

Orange Sorbet. Simple yet awesome. I served it for dessert. My 2 year old really loved it! And the machine worked better than I expected. I threw in peeled oranges (whole), honey, and lots of ice and it blended it together like a boss! So easy! Best part about my new favorite appliance (shhh.. don't tell my Stand Mixer) is that it cleans itself! Yep! Just rinse it out, fill it half way up with warm water, throw in a few drops of soap, and turn it on. It works as it's own dishwasher! Then you rinse it out one more time and let it dry! It took me all of 5 minutes to make orange sorbet and clean up. 

I spent the rest of my night after the kids were in bed, looking through the recipe book. So many things to try, so little time. I have come up with a list of a few must makes for the following week:

Hummus, Peanut Butter, Almond Milk, and Broccoli and Cheddar soup. 

The machine works so fast that it actually creates heat and can make quick soups! It can blend items down to make milk out of almonds or my own nut butters. I can make cold items like my own ice cream, shakes, smoothies, or sorbets. I can grind my own flours or knead doughs. The possibilities are just endless. And I plan on testing this thing out like crazy! It came with a large book of recipes and I see it as a personal challenge to try them all out. 

Today marks the start of the first weekend I get to spend with my husband in many months. We've got a relaxing and fun weekend planned. Some Christmas shopping, hockey game, COOKING, and putting up Christmas lights and decorations. Most importantly, the family just being together. :)

I hope that you all have as nice of a weekend. HAPPY DECEMBER!! 

*Be ready for my next gazillion posts to have something about a new food/drink/frozen item that my blender made me.*