A little bit of "YIKES!" "GRRR!" and "YAY!"

Let's start with the "YAY!"
The husband is home! Late on Monday night, my dear hubby returned. I can't even begin to describe how happy we are in this house. I felt all of that extra stress and frustration (that I didn't even realize I was carrying around) evaporate from my body. It's been AH-MAZING. :)
Last night, I needed to make a quick run to the store to grab one thing. I was able to go do that without the kids! Yes, I made a quick run to the store and it was actually quick. I didn't have to bundle the youngins' up (because it is freaking cold out there), get them buckled up in the car, take them out of the car, go inside, battle the "Mom, can we buy this?" or "MOM! Sissy hit me!" phrases over and over, and then go through it all over again as it was time to leave, get back in the car, and go home. Nope, I just walked in, grabbed what I needed, and left. I even jammed loudly to my music in the car (just because I could).
This morning, my daughter wasn't feeling good. So we kept her home from school. Guess what? I was still able to go to the gym! Yep, a sick child didn't mean I had to stay home! I could just go on and on about how great it is having him home... but that would force me to change the title of this blog to, "Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy!" And well, I have other things I'd like to write about.

I've been debating whether I wanted to write about this or not. And I decided that I need to. I need the accountability and the humility.
Thanksgiving did not go as planned! I was so determined to tackle the Holiday and be victorious and walk away with my head held high. When in fact, that planned failed before Thursday even came around. On Wednesday, the kids and I went with my mom to the SuperMall a few cities over. While there, we saw Johnny Rocket's. A yummy little burger, fries, and shakes place. I was very easily convinced that we could go there for lunch and it be okay. Well, that inner binge monster saw it's opportunity to come out to play. I ordered way too much (and was not holding back). I got the cheese on my fries, the bacon on my burger, and the worse possible milkshake to have when watching your calorie intake. After lunch, I calculated that I had just had about 3000 calories. That should have stopped me, right? My side of reasoning should have stepped up and turned my self control button back on. But no, I had fed the monster and it wanted more.
For those of you who don't know, I was a serious binge eater before I started MFP. There were times I would eat to the point where it made me sick and still want to eat more. I'd easily eat 5000+ calories a day. 
Well, that's where the "GRRR" comes into play. Before we left that mall, I also had some candy from the chocolate store, a pepperoni pretzel from Annie's Pretzels, some mini cupcakes, cookies, and any other samples and small snacks there. I went to bed that night feeling so sick to my stomach. I was so angry with myself.
"Well, at least your learned your lesson and got right back on track, Amanda!" you may say. Nope. I woke up that next morning and decided that I was gonna have pecan pie with my Thanksgiving mea. afterall. I went to the store (at 6 am) and grabbed a pie. A pie that I got into before Thanksgiving lunch was even ready. I then proceeded to have 2 helpings of way too much food for lunch. Then another piece of pie!
"It happens! You did better the next day, right?" you're thinking. Nope. I made terrible food choices both Friday and Saturday before I finally snapped myself out of it on Sunday. And I'm not going to go into detail the food choices I made those two days, because it's just disgusting the things I was allowing myself to eat and the amounts that I ate them. 
Couple that with 5 days of  missing the gym and you can imagine how icky I was feeling and looking. When I woke up Sunday morning, I stepped on the scale and saw a 10lb difference from the last time I stepped on it. "YIKES!" (Yes, I know it wasn't a real 10 pound gain... but I also know that I definitely gained some real weight with all of that water weight, too). Then the thought of my husband coming back home and all of my hard work finally gave me the strength to stop. I hopped right back on track. This week has been going just as well as all of those other weeks before last week happened.

So what in the heck happened? That was my first binge since I started MFP 4 1/2 months ago.. and it lasted 4 day days! Where did I go wrong?
Well, I've come up with a few answers.. a few lessons learned.
1. I broke the rules on Wed. when we went out to lunch. Saturday is my "treat day" in which I get to enjoy some of the unhealthier foods I enjoy in moderation and within certain calorie limits. Yes, I do go over on my calories that day but only if I earned enough calories during the week to still keep me within my weekly calorie goal. During the week, when I see things I want, I always think, "Wait until Saturday!" Then when Saturday comes around, I choose the thing I want most and enjoy my treat. I also find many of my cravings are gone by the end of the week.
2. I was very emotional/stressed last week planning for the husband's return and all of the other things happening at the same time. I have had emotional eating problems in the past and it has always been my #1 trigger for bingeing. I shouldn't have put myself in a position like that knowing how I was feeling. I let my guard down.
3. I let myself get discouraged by my failures. One mistake shouldn't lead to more.. but it did. "I screwed up yesterday, so what's the point?"  It took me a while to get out of this mindset.

I'm not having any treat days for a while.. until I lose back the weight I gained and things settle down a bit with all the excitement and readjustments we will have to make. I'm waiting until I feel confident in my self-control and judgment again.

But I'm not beating myself up over it anymore. There's no point. It's done and over. I've learned from it. I'm back on track this week, back at the gym, and enjoying my family being whole again.

I've almost completed my first full week of Stronglifts 5x5... and I like it. I've taken some before pics and while it's too soon for any progress pics, it goes something like this...